“I’ll tell you how it didn’t win [and the Cat did] – people are idiots, that’s how. Even if by some chance the majority of the voters voted for it, there’s no way it would fly with the morons in marketing. Marketing is the art (spinelessly applied stupidity) of finding the thing that is least offensive to the most amount of people. And when has the majority ever been right about anything? Everything is by morons, for morons, and fuck you if you don’t like it, I got mine. Why do certain models of car get popular after they’re in a movie? Morons. I got da car like dey showed in the movie. Fuck you. Now that they’ve made a movie about fucking Johnny Cash, suddenly it’s ok to put away your fucking Spin Doctors records and listen to Johnny Cash. Fucking morons. Why think for yourself when your entertainment can do that for you? You want anything done right, you’ve got to do it yourself. The second you start selling it though, you’re going to be fucked over by morons. Moron customers, moron business associates, and brainless, joyless fucktarded moron authoritarians. Build your own mailbox? Fuck you, we’re the homeowners association, and by the way, you can’t work on your car in your driveway – it looks trashy. Feel free to rape everyone’s ears with your leafblowers on a Sunday morning though. Gotta keep those property values going up, up, UP!
“Yeah, the robot would be nice, but everybody loves cats. Guess what, assholes – no one is going to be the cat. There would have been fights over the robot, kids would be beating each other senseless over who got to be the mustached robot, and in terms of popularity it would have surpassed even the mighty Race Car. That cat though? In two weeks that fucking thing is going to end up in the kitchen drawer with the rubberbands and the used twist ties and the 14 pencils with broken lead. Monopoly’s “The Cat” – the most milquetoast addition in 100 years to the world’s least entertaining fucking board game. Fuck. You.
“I’d totally play if you invited me over, though.”
Bonus comment from a reply to this rant:
“I love you. I’m a straight male in a committed relationship, but if you’re a dude, I’d happily suck your cock while you rant. If you’re a chick, I’ll munch that box until you’re done raving. And your username is fantastic. Have an upvote.”