The good news about Britney Spears’s new album, Blackout, is it isn’t nearly as terrible as you think it is going to be. The other news is that her appearance in said album is pretty much inconsequential. Spears remains waiting for a true comeback after dashing several opportunities for a break from several sources. She has a particular talent for throwing things back in other people’s faces (some dickwad on CNN mused ‘Why can’t Britney get a break?’ well dumb-shit, the VMAs were a huge break and she 86ed that with her drugged up performance as a sausage-costumed stumble-bum). For the meantime, she seems determined to destroy her career and her own family at the expense of her own paranoid or drug-fueld illness.
The smartest thing Britney’s label has done is collect a team of producers to constrain her thin vocals to the background while they get to have fun with overproducing the songs into oblivion.
Initially Britney’s career began with her being a Lolita-type cyborg copping themes and motifs from barely legal teen porn to the delight of pederasts and young tween girls everywhere. With Blackout, Spears makes the full transition to femme-bot (MILF-bot? MILF-borg?) as her voice is pushed through the latest hardware and filters.
Gimme More – This is very weak song and any needs for songs of demand I think should be re-routed to Lords of Acid’s Gimme Gimme. I like the beat though. Lyrics suck suck suck suck.
Piece of Me – Britney muses on her lack of media karma and those un-fair papparazzi determined to catch her every deviation from social norms for magazine sales (a nice echo of Michael Jackson’s own victim/whore complex). Still, this song remains my favorite because Britney’s voice is over produced to a C3PO sheen. Her apperance on this song is completely optional. I like the metalic treble kick that sounds like her career being repeatly thrown against a wall and porn-esque adomnitions of pleasure coughed up on drywall.
Radar – A ‘Tainted Love’ motif married with a little rave and boppy beat but very boring lyrics. The lyrics of the whole album are pretty shitty for the most part.
Break the Ice – Still weak but catchy. Most of the album is catchy. Lots of panting.
Heaven on Earth – This song seems out of place with a recitative and Animotion type accompaniment.
Get Naked (I Got a Plan) – Pointless with lots of slobbering and sighing.
Freakshow – I like this song somewhat. Cool, clipped beat ruined by over-thickened vocals.
Toy Soldier – A bit Beyonce-esque.
Hot as Ice – Starts nice with an acoustic beat but all the fun is stripped out by a chorus of YEAH YEAHs that add up to little.
Ooh Ooh Baby – Meh.
Perfect Lover – Again, good beat but terrible lyrics and a stacking of ‘uh-huhs’ that annoy rather than endear.
Why Should I Be Sad – I didn’t realize how thin Spears voice was until I heard this song which is a bit like Janet Jackson’s attempts at letting her real voice stickout past the Jimmy Jams.
Like I said, Britney is completely hot-swappable out of all of these songs. You could fit Jennifer Lopez’s half-octave in any of these or Janet Jackson in earlier times or even Madonna in an experimental mood.
In my mind, the high-point of the Britney Spears adventure remains the spare bass line of I’m a Slave for U with the dissonant chords, horn-dog lyrics and a moistened, hump-a-licious video.
No, I didn’t buy the album. I borrowed it from a friend.
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