A Transwoman Learns How (Some) Men Relate to Women

“One night I was talking to a guy on chat, and he kind of threw out this really sexual thing to me. It took me by surprise and I basically said what the fuck? And then he got rude. He called me a bitch and said I was rejecting him all of a sudden, and got really mean. I was like, what???? Then it happened again with another guy. Then again. And again!  … Guys would be talking to me all nice and then all of a sudden they start wanting more, and getting pretty graphic with the sex talk and I would say hey cut it out, then they’d call me a tease, a bitch, whatever. I hadn’t even said anything sexual, I was usually just talking about music or games or whatever. One night I just burst out crying because I was totally confused why this kept happening. Then my wife gave me the rundown…

  • When a guy says hello in chat, don’t answer right away. Wait a minute or so.
  • In chat, always wait before saying or answering anything. Don’t speak right after they do.
  • Don’t ask a lot of questions to a guy in chat or real life.
  • If a guy looks at you in real life, don’t look him in the eyes: look down or away.
  • When out in public, basically don’t even look at guys in the eyes at all.

Those may seem ridiculous or harsh or whatever. Point is, these “rules” work for me. I follow these steps, and guys have stopped making such obvious advances and then getting mad because I don’t want to have sex with them. I never realized that by being so open and friendly that I was apparently giving them the all clear sign. The “rules” she told me are lessons she had learned and built on having grown up as female in a female world. I had no idea about this stuff, having been brought up as male.”

throwaway_trans comments on Do women ever avoid being friendly/nice with men for fear of being labelled a flirt/tease etc.