A Mother’s Regret

From /r/askreddit:

“I didn’t want to post, but after having a couple glasses of wine I will. I agree with you, I wish I would could take back the decision to have our little girl. She has down syndrome and the first 5 years everyone supported us, family and friends, we were so courageous. Then it started going down hill, the amount of care insane and when no one wants to help it gets worse. We felt like a burden to everyone and pretty soon we weren’t invited to parties or over to see family. Just the major holidays, and it starts taking a toll. I had to quit my job to take care of our daughter, my husband has two jobs, I never see him anymore, we are rarely intimate, I gained a lot of weight, my life is ruined. I cry a lot when I’m home alone with her, and I started drinking to numb the pain. My husband hasnt said it, but I know he want to leave, the love is gone. I recently found out he was cheating on me with another woman, but I can’t get a divorce because I can’t support my little girl in my own.

“If I had one thing to say to any other woman out there, unless you’re rich, it’s better to abort the pregnancy if you know.

“I had a friend who found out she was going to have a down syndrome kid, I told her not to do it, and I drove her to get the abortion. That day was so emotional because I had to bring my daughter along. She didn’t tell the husband, and we made up a story that she had a miscarriage. A year or so later they had a beautiful healthy baby boy.

“I can’t write anymore, I’m crying so much…I wish I never had her…and I hope one day I wake up to find she died in her sleep. Sometimes I even think of letting go of her hand so she can run into oncoming traffic. I would never do it, but this is real, it’s not fun, and it will ruin your life.

“When people ask me how things are going, I always lie, always. Everything is great, we are doing so good, she is a blessing.”

Context.

Photo from Leave It to Beaver.

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Gay Hoosier Taurus INFJ ex-playwright pianist gymbunny published author in San Francisco. Tw · Fb