“A marriage is like an IKEA kitchen. Bear with me. You fall in love with the showroom display. You put down your money and you get it home and there it is. Completely disassembled. Except that you didn’t get the instruction manual, though you kind of have an idea of how it should go because you’ve put together a BILLY or two in your time. Anyway, it’s a thousand pieces of particle board and dowels and allen key screws and fasteners. You know what it is supposed to look like, because you can see it there in your mind where you have visions of baking cookies, but you’re not quite sure how to put it all together. The good news is you have help: your partner. The person you’ve chosen to build your kitchen life with…. Look, it’s not about whether you build a perfect kitchen. It’s about how you build the kitchen, despite the fact that you don’t have the instructions. Do you work together? Do you smile over the mistakes, figuring things out along the way, making the best of it? Do you experiment with new approaches, use new tools, collaborate and co-operate? … Life is indeed a “some assembly required” project, but your partner absolutely should not be one of the things that also needs assembly. It’s okay, and in fact very healthy, to insist and demand that your one life be shared with someone who is not angry, mean and fucked up and will instead cheerfully work together with you on solving problems together.”
Commenter on Metafilter thread, Dealing with someone who is “always right” – marriage communication
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