“1) First off, she doesn’t give a fuck. She probably saw a war or two in her time and to her life is as precious as it is short. She will walk up to the crowd of the hottest girls by the pool, I am talking the girls you wouldn’t dream of having the balls to talk to, and she will make sure they know who you are.
“2) Now the hottest girls know who you are. She is pointing you out and you are a tad embarrassed. Well don’t be. Fucking grandma will talk you up in a way women not only understand but highly appreciate. She isn’t your best bud who is far too drunk and just tells them how nice and honest you are and how they should give you a chance, she is speaking in fucking women-tongue and they will be interested to talk to you regardless of what you look like or how shy you are.
“3) She WANTS you to get laid. She wants you to find the hottest fucking most gorgeous girl around the pool/pub/bar/whatever because she wants her genes to be not only passed on, but passed UP the genetic lottery chain. She will do everything in her power to make sure her perfect little grandson is seeing a girl she is incredibly proud to say is now her granddaughter in law. She WANTS YOU TO GET LAID.