Monthly Archives: November 2006

Federal Grants Fund Abstinence Education – For Adults

The war on pleasure continues:

Now the government is targeting unmarried adults up to age 29 as part of its abstinence-only programs, which include millions of dollars in federal money that will be available to the states under revised federal grant guidelines for 2007. Abstinence education programs, which have focused on preteens and teens, teach that abstaining from sex is the only effective or acceptable method to prevent pregnancy or disease. They give no instruction on birth control or safe sex.

Can someone please fuck these people. I mean really – please have sex with them. The only reason they are so pent up about legislating the private sex lives of consenting adults is because they really really need some deep dicking.

Screw the Children

(walking out of the gym, waiting for light at corner of  Diversey and Clark, monsoon-esque downpour)

Operative holding clipboard: ‘Scuse we sir do you have 40 seconds for Save the Children?

Andy: I can’t save the children today. I’m saving the environment today, impeachment tomorrow so I can’t save the children until Friday.

Operative: (laughs) Okay. Thanks.

(walks down Diversey to Panera)

Operaive holding clipboard II: ‘Scuse me sir do you have 40 seconds to Save the Environment?

Scalia on Global Warming: ‘Whatever”

Twelve states, led by Massachusetts and joined by the District of Columbia, are objecting to the Environmental Protection Agency’s decision to decline to issue emissions standards for new cars and trucks.

and now the SCOTUS is deciding if the states have any legal ground to challenge the EPA:

"Respectfully, Your Honor, it is not the stratosphere. It’s the troposphere," Milkey said. "Troposphere, whatever. I told you before I’m not a scientist," Scalia said to laughter. "That’s why I don’t want to have to deal with global warming, to tell you the truth."

Being a Justice of the Supreme Court is hard, guys. It’s hard work. Heckuva job,  Tony!

Little Orphan Shirley

(Home. Shirliey Bassey’s rendition of ‘As Long as He Needs Me’ plays on iTunes. Andy sings along)

Ron: You know that song?

Andy: Yeah. It is from Oliver!

Ron: No it is not.

Andy: Yes honey.

Ron: Shirley sang this song first.

Andy: No she didn’t. Oliver! is about an orphan named Oliver. I know. We did the show in middle school.

Ron: She played the sister.

Andy: Oliver didn’t have a sister. That’s the point. He was an orphan.

Ron: Then it was that other show. She played one of the adults.

Andy: Annie?

Ron: Yeah.

Andy: No honey. Oliver and Annie were not brother and sister.

Ron: And they were separated at birth because they didn’t want them growing up together.

(pause)

Andy: Goddammit that’s Return of the Jedi!

Perez Hilton Featured in Chicago Tribune

Perez Hilton was featured in Chicago’s Red Eye again yesterday for his penchant for outing closeted movie stars. He sees nobility in his efforts to force celebrities to publicly announce their homosexuality. It seems vindictive to me. And in the case of someone like Anderson Cooper who is a journalist first, I think forcing him ‘out’ could endanger him when he is reporting from overseas in a country that would rather execute a homosexual. Being a celebrity or artist implies a certain amount of artifice so a closeted celebrity really isn’t that big of a deal – compared to a politican where artifice, facade and hypocrisy can become entertwined. There’s nothing wrong with being homosexual. At the same time I don’t think there’s anything wrong with privacy (and wacky as it seems, some people still believe in that outmoded notion of modesty). Perez feels having a public persona exchanges your right to privacy.

"Even though what I’m doing can be harsh at times or biting or cynical . . . in my own subservient way I am trying to make the world a better place," he said. "I will push the envelope. I’m not afraid to offend or be dangerous, whatever. Because I can. It’s my Web site. I can do whatever I want."

Perez says that he thinks his work led to the magnitude of Lance Bass’s outing (Ron still thinks Reichen is out of his league). Or is he just building his own career on the backs of closeted B-list celebrities? I was perusing People magazine while I waited for Maria at the barber shop (#1 on the sides, short on top) and I was surprised how many bloggers are now among their correspondents – I guess it makes sense since bloggers are much more obsessed with trends and celebrities than ‘traditional’ writers.

I do like how Perez knows that this notability could dissipate at any time and is running the marathon as fast as possible to secure as many deals as possible while he is a hot item. And I’m sure that he’s got a good finance guy on staff – we all know what happened to Hammer.

I still wonder when Sean Hayes and Clay Aiken come out of the closet what they expect will happen. Talk about a yawner. Aiken on Larry King was a complete nausea-fest.

Dad and I watched Dr. Phil together whilst home for the holidays. I was surprised how far the show has sunk and further surprised that Harpo (I think they still produce the show) is letting that happen. I think Dr. Phil let the steam out too fast. His line of nutritional supplements was a really bad idea – too much too soon.

Dame Shirley Bassey

Did I tell you about my Shirley Bassey obsession? Repeated viewings of Bassey in a Spencer & Mark’s holiday ad (Mark & Spencers? Ron says it is like Target in the UK) where she is singing Pink’s ‘Get This Party Started’ while sleek models prep for a north pole party – along with Twiggy with a Dr. No-esque kitty cat in hand. I always remember Bassey from her rendition of Goldfinger. Bond movies were one of our staples when renting videos from the library. But I hadn’t realized she did the Diamons Are Forever and Moonraker theme songs as well. I always liked Richard Kiel as Jaws – I just thought it was awesome to have metal teeth that can chew through anything. I do want to go see Casino Royale although I thought if they were going to make Bond more thuggish they should have gone with Jason Statham or Clive Owen. I like Statham’s Tranporter character because he is an obesssive detail freak and an expert driver/fighter. Or as Matt says when I’d torture him in college by turning a cup or picture frame off kilter ‘You KNOW I’m OCD man! Stop it!’ When Heather used to come home from college I’d have turned all of the pictures in her room a miniscule degree off-level to see if she’d notice.

Anyway.

I got Bassey’s greatest hits via iTunes with such tunes as ‘I (Who Have Nothing)’ and Ron’s new favorite (‘This is My Life’). Although when he sings Goldfinger me makes a proctologist finger signal – didn’t Tracey Ullman do a rendition of Goldfinger where her husband is a proctologist? We looked through Shirley’s website to see her from the 1950s onward. Now she is a true diva. I remember when VH1 had their divas specials and they had these young girls with bitchy attitudes who couldn’t belt pretending to be divas and they were mere poseurs compared to women like Bassey or Tina Turner or Liza. Like idiot savants on American Idol who think having a huge ego qualifies them to be a superstar – Andy Warhol ruined it for all of us when he called his movie troupe the Superstars.