Monthly Archives: December 2002

Wheel Of Torture

Those who refuse to cooperate inside this secret CIA interrogation center are sometimes kept standing or kneeling for hours, in black hoods or spray-painted goggles, according to intelligence specialists familiar with CIA interrogation methods. At times they are held in awkward, painful positions and deprived of sleep with a 24-hour bombardment of lights — subject to what are known as “stress and duress” techniques.

Some who do not cooperate are turned over — “rendered,” in official parlance — to foreign intelligence services whose practice of torture has been documented by the U.S. government and human rights organizations.

If you don’t violate someone’s human rights some of the time, you probably aren’t doing your job,” said one official who has supervised the capture and transfer of accused terrorists.

In others, the intelligence agency undertakes a “false flag” operation using fake decor and disguises meant to deceive a captive into thinking he is imprisoned in a country with a reputation for brutality, when, in reality, he is still in CIA hands. Sometimes, female officers conduct interrogations, a psychologically jarring experience for men reared in a conservative Muslim culture where women are never in control.

Getting The Trash From The Garbage

From Willamette Week Online: (via DayPop)

The Multnomah County District Attorney’s Office Prosecutor Mark McDonnell says that once you set your garbage out on the curb, it becomes public property.

After much debate, we resolved to turn the tables on three of our esteemed public officials. Each, in his or her own way, has endorsed the notion that you abandon your privacy when you set your trash out on the curb. So we figured they wouldn’t mind too much if we took a peek at theirs. We embarked on an unauthorized sightseeing tour of their garbage…

Breaking Bread

Ron and I stayed home last night and baked bread. And that’s not a euphemism for anything. We went to Dominick’s and got flour, yeast and sugar and came home and made a two-pound loaf of wheat bread with the bread machine. There is something so magical about making bread. It reminds me of the Calvin and Hobbes comic where they are putting bread in a toaster:

Calvin: Wanna see something weird? Watch. You put bread in this slot and push down this lever… then in a few minutes, toast pops up!
Hobbes: Wow. Where does the bread go?
Calvin: Beats me. Isn’t that weird?

Ron stood over the bread machine hypnotized as the bread rose and doubled in size and we watched the first Addams Family movie while it baked. And then we ate it with full-fat salted Land O’ Lakes butter and pure peanut butter. Yum yum.

Bought and Sold

A warning from the Environmental Protection Agency, informing millions of Americans their homes might contain asbestos-contaminated insulation, has not been issued because of White House intervention. A declaration would have also triggered nationwide notification of property owners who might be exposed. Potentially contaminated homes could number between 15 million and 35 million, the paper said.

Pig Much?

“Katie Hnida became the first woman to play in an NCAA Division I-A football game Wednesday when she attempted an extra point for New Mexico against UCLA in the Las Vegas Bowl. The kick was low, it was wobbly and it was blocked by Bruins linebacker Brandon Chillar. The kick never had a chance, not even close. Women are not strong enough to play big-time college football, not even as kickers. Her waist and thighs and chest are tinier than any of the men.”

Can’t we just celebrate progress?

Most Loathsome

The Buffalo Beast publises their list of The 50 Most Loathsome People in America for 2002. Highlights:

28. STEVEN SPIELBERG: Onslaught of films that are full of “wonder” and “splendor” and small innocent boys with bowl haircuts in confusing/terrifying situations. Thirty-year creative progression was from mechanical fish to mechanical lizards. You will want to kill many innocent people after seeing Always.

16. ARI FLEISCHER: Wherever he ends up placed on this list will not be high enough. This motherfucker carries G.W. Bush’s demon seed in his anal womb, gestates a fresh offspring a couple times a day and produces a few Rosemary’s steamers at press conferences with all the non-chalance of a Spot Coffee latte jerk.

12. EMINEM: Expecting people to care about his shitty childhood because he is white. Lifting weights after he got famous. Has already worn out his shock value to the extent that his next album will have to include slurs against parapalegics and land-mine victims just to raise eyebrows. For someone who sells millions of records partly due to making fun of other people, has no sense of humor about himself. Trailer-trash cracker with just a hint of Down’s Syndrome.

7. CARDINAL ROGER MAHONY: Represents everything that is corrupt and wrong in the Catholic Church. As archbishop of Los Angeles, Mahony personally lobbied for and oversaw the construction of the $189.5-million-dollar Cathedral of Our Lady of Angels, despite protests against a “fat cat cathedral” and evidence that the site chosen was a sacred Indian burial ground. The cathedral also boasts two conference centers, separated by a cafe and gift shop, with catering,, projection screens, and high-speed DSL access. Exactly 16 days after the dedication of the cathedral, Cardinal Mahony announced that the Archdiocese of Los Angeles, the nation’s largest, would have to lay off 60 workers and cut eight programs due to a $4.3 million dollar deficit. Close your eyes and picture someone that acts like a CEO and protects people who molest children. Can you picture him yet? Now put a little red hat on him and a bunch of fancy robes. There you go!

5. MARY KATE AND ASHLEY OLSEN: isdeeds: Their entire life up to this point. They also have their own fashion and lifestlye line available at Walmart which teach young girls that it’s OK to be walking through piles of shit as long as you have a cute skirt and flirty earrings. One half Britney Spears, one half Andres Serrano’s Piss Christ

1. ANN COULTER: Goebbels with tits. The phenomenon we all should Whore Cunthave seen coming; the merger of bimbo sex appeal and neo-fascist vituperation.


Patrick writes in:

Subject: Your 2/18/01 Essay, Hello Kitty, The World, and Me. And You. But really Me.

Hi there.

It was pure accident, or perhaps good fortune, that I came across your site. More accurately, I stumbled across your site the same way that Dick Van Dyke trips over the ottoman (first two seasons credits).

Queue glissando; bass drum booms.

At Vanity’s insistence, I Googled the phrase “picked up at Roscoe’s“. My thinking was that, somewhere along the line, one of those hapless, smiling creatures I dragged back to Porkdale wrote something flattering — or, even better, UNflattering — about our naked misadventure. Well, semi-naked I
guess. (My primary goal with a trick is the luxury of justifying omelets the following morning; if I have to suck a dick to get there: bring on the dick.)

Loathing Twink culture — an early 21st Century oxymoron — I glom onto whomever makes me laugh, has all of their limbs, and is neither a Hoosier nor from any state that rhymes with Lexus or Flippadippy. (For the record, I detest Roscoe’s to a point of completely adoring it — a reaction I suspect not uncommon for truly urban and/or urbane sophisticates.) Oh yeah, brains are important too. What’s the point in picking up someone who won?t catch an off-handed remark about Pia Zadora, or recognize the hysterical irony of a Barbra Streisand Christmas album? Also (when I Googled that fortuitous phrase), it was important to add the often neglected apostrophe to “Roscoe’s”; my thinking was that only those people whose opinions could matter (few as they are) would surely enforce proper punctuation.

What was I expecting? I don’t know… “Great kisser, but he talked a lot.” “Nice pipe — not a monster by ideally proportioned.” “…There was a cow suit hanging next to his bed and I was scared he was going to ask me to wear it.” (I did.) “He made me play Operation, the Wacky Doctor?s Game, lay the final puzzle pieces of a a teddy bear family waving, and THEN we were allowed to commence rutting.” ?He wasn?t serious about sex, and he was completely vanilla.? Who knows. ?Embrace the Mystery,? I always say, ?and always keep A2000 in the medicine cabinet.?

However, once Googled, the only thing that came up was your site. As far as I can tell, it bares little resemblance to me apart from a well-placed Hello Kitty reference (which was damned sexy).

Since I stopped by, it would have been rude had I not said hello.

So there.


Some Guy Named Patrick

Thanks for tuning in Patrick!