Monthly Archives: November 2001

thursday, november 29

I know no one wants to hear more about 9-11 but I found something chilling from MakeThemAccountable.com:

Dan Rather interviews a FEMA representative a few days after the attacks (audio file)

Rather: Tom Kennedy… Kennedy, a rescue worker with the National Urban Search and Rescue, it?s part of FEMA?

Kennedy: We?re currently one of the first teams that was deployed to support the city of New York for this disaster. We arrived on late Monday night, and went into action on Tuesday morning. And not until today did we get a full opportunity to work the entire site.

To: Heather, Karen, Brigitte

To: Heather, Karen, Brigitte
Subject: Star Wars

Did I tell you that Ron has never seen the Star Wars trilogy? I almost fell over at dinner. I couldn’t believe it. He liked the first film – PHANTOM MENACE. I was dumbfounded. Yikes. I told him that he can’t get citizenship until he sees the Star Wars trilogy. ‘I don’t understand the big deal over Star Wars.’ Oh for God’s sake.

To: Andy, Karen
From: Brigitte
Subject: RE: Star Wars

You forget I didn’t see them until my junior year of college with the re-releases.

To: Andy, Brigitte
From: Karen
Subject: RE: Star Wars

I hate starwars. and andy.

To: Andy, Karen
From: Brigitte
Subject: RE: Star Wars

I found them kind of boring. Andy too.

thursday, november 22

Happy Thanksgiving everybody – I realized I hadn’t posted in such a long time. We had quite a meal this afternoon – though it was interrupted twice – once by dad’s step-dad and his girlfriend (who is also his brother’s widow – take a moment to feel revulsion) and then by Uncle Jack and his family. THe highlight was when I went to introduce Uncle Jack to Brigitte and I forgot his name. Yeah, that was really slick – luckily, Brigitte did a quick save and said: ‘Hi, I’m Brigitte.’ Whew! Yummy yumm food. Ron called and was on his way to Miluakee to see his mom and I didn’t get to talk to Karen today. Or Kate. Oh well. I am antsy to get back home as usual. I always get antsy. Went through two big boxes of notes and letters and writings from high school. A letter from Jeremy saying: ‘I’ve never felt so lonely in my life [at my new school]. Oh well, we’ll always have Florida, sweetheart.’ Or a poem written to Mary and Lisa about the four of us all sharing the same grave. Creepy. I think I forgot the impact I managed to have on people in high school. Part of me wants to hold on to being outcast and not popular and forget that I was very loved by a tight-knit group of friends. I worry about what they’d think if they knew I had a boyfriend right now. If they’d be surprised or freaked out or grossed out… or if they’d even care. Maybe it’s my own issue. What if you came out and nobody cared? Hee hee. I ran into Kathryn my old english teacher and she mentioned that my class will be having their ten year reunion soon and all I could think of is if I’d bring a boyfriend to that or not. Or to Christmas dinner. And further, who really gives a shit? If someone doesn’t like it then they can’t look beyond their own bullshit. But what if that includes me. Dad and mom and I had a conversation on men dating and the different rules there are. I think it is funny that I still hold to a mid-western date-engaged-fiance-marriage model. Or some kind of life-commitment ceremony of some sort. That there is so much tiresome self-loathing and posturing in The Scene that it quickly gets tired. I also said how I’m trying not to ve neurotic about Ron and I and just enjoy where it is and don’t freak out about where it is going. I didn’t expect us to work out like this – neither of us did – I can’t itemize why we work and I don’t want to. I’m still in the lust/infatuation stage where I just can’t believe such a handsome guy is tolerating dating me. Ron could have any guy – hell, he’d already had three offers for threesomes since I left the city (they must all note my absence and thing: ‘Whitey’s gone! GET HIM!’.

friday, november 16

And once again my hunger and hubris gets the better of me. I ate an entire margherita pizza and chicken caesar salad from Sopraffina. So yummy. I then chugged 40 oz of water and I feel like I’m going to float away. Good news: my co-worker Mark heard that I play piano and he and his wife are going to give me their piano! Excellent! Going to bribe Brigitte into driving out there with me to take a look-see before I agree to have it delivered to my house. That will be so nice to have a piano in the house again. I could play some Chopin or some Rachmaninoff… I am so stuffed. My God. Brigitte and Karen and Ron and I ate at Wave, the restaurant at the W. Yummy yummy yumm yumm. We got to eat free since they needed good-looking people hanging out for the TV cameras. I had the hearts of romaine caesar salad, the potato gnocchi, rotisserie chicken and a lemon tart. We ate like whores, like always and laughed like fiends. I mentioned that I saw some place say they were having cornish hen bowling for Thanksgiving. This drew uproariousness to our table. First query was were the hens the ball or the pins – or the bowlers? I think the pins it the funniest… where Brigitte pictured prepared hens stuffed on the pins I picture live cornish hens running like hell from a bowling ball barreling down the alley. We laughed and laughed until Karen cried.

Worked from home yesterday (really). Good news in that supposedly they’re going to allow us to have access to our work email accounts for employees that have broadband! That way I don’t even have to bring home the laptop… very good news indeed!

wednesday, november 14

From MeepZorp.com:

TERRORISTS: US GOVERNMENT:
Supposed leader is the spoiled son of a
powerful politician, from extremely wealthy oil family
Supposed leader is the spoiled son of a
powerful politician, from extremely wealthy oil family
Leader has declared a holy war (‘Jihad’)
against his ‘enemies’; believes any nation not with him is against him;
believes God is on his side, and that any means are justified.
Leader has declared a holy war (‘Crusade’)
against his ‘enemies’; believes any nation not with him is against him;
believes God is on his side, and that any means are
justified.
Supported by extreme fundamentalist
religious leaders who preach hatred, intolerance, subjugation of women,
and persecution of non-believers
Supported by extreme fundamentalist
religious leaders who preach hatred, intolerance, subjugation of women,
and persecution of non-believers
Leadership was not elected by a majority of
the people in a free and fair democratic election
Leadership was not elected by a majority of
the people in a free and fair democratic election
Kills thousands of innocent civilians, some
of them children, in cold blooded bombings
Kills thousands of innocent civilians, some
of them children, in cold blooded bombings
Operates through clandestine organization
(al Qaeda) with agents in many countries; uses bombing, assassination,
other terrorist tactics
Operates through clandestine organization
(CIA) with agents in many countries; uses bombing, assassination, other
terrorist tactics
Using war as pretext to clamp down on
dissent and undermine civil liberties
Using war as pretext to clamp down on
dissent and undermine civil
liberties

monday, november 12

Lots of dreaming lately. I had a dream that my friend Nicole climbed the Empire State building and jumped off of it. Brigitte, Karen and I were on the roofs of surrounding skyscrapers and took the elevators down to see her lying unconscious in a blue car – she’d broken through the roof. She coughed awake and stood up and was fine. I called her later on to recommend she seek some counseling or something or a chiropractor. Another dream – last night – I am with a group of people balancing on a black rough stone disk floating in the middle of the ocean at night time during thunderstorm – we’re trying to keep the disk balanced by moving around and distributing our weight. One by one we fall off. I fall backwards into the black cold water and it’s like I’m falling out of a pool of water. At this point I become conscious that I’m dreaming and I try to start doing things – I wake up. Something about a dog’s mouth and a tooth piercing my right index finger. Very strange.

I currently weigh 158 – going to try and break 160 by the end of Thanksgiving – shouldn’t be too hard since I’m going home and we’ll have the usual eat-fest. And then what? I get my body fat down to 6% and then what? Am I expecting to win some sort of prize? That once I can see all six of my abs I will reach some sort of nirvana? I’ll be done? Then I’ll find something new about my appearance to obsess about… I guess it all goes to a deep seated thought that You’re not good enough.

What if you believed all the wonderful things people said about you instead of always being suspicious and questioning their motives?

What if you were as amazing, talented, handsome, strong, dynamic and un-stoppable as others perceive you?

What if you stopped giving a shit about your day-job and made peace with the fact that it’s never going to feed your soul and focus instead on migrating to a life that does?