Monthly Archives: February 2001

wednesday, february 28

Alright Heather I’ll blog! 🙂 (she’s concerned her little brother hasn’t blogged – so this one’s a doozy)

Quote from a female friend who shall remain anonymous:

I don’t want a hand. I don’t want a vibrator. I want a cock in my hole!

Rehearsals are going well. Gave a pep talk last night to my cast to re-focus and re-energize – we’ve reached a great level of quality with the shows and I’m trying to stop feeling like we’re coasting until we get in the space on Saturday. That is when all hell breaks loose and realize how shitty my blocking is. It’ll be a stressful day for all. Plus we’re trying to add in sound and lights all at the same time. Still don’t understand why the show that opens in the space on Monday and Wednesday gets like eight days of tech and we get three – and I’m paying three times more for the space then we are (since we’re prime time). Plus they’re telling us the CD player is iffy. WHAT? I’m not paying no goddamn $800 a week for a theatre with a sound system that might not work. Fuck that. I’m all about a rent break on that shit. Karen and I went up Broadway yesterday and posted posters. There’s something refreshing about going into a shitload of businesses and asking them if you can put a poster up and would like to buy a program ad? Some people are total fucking retards though. One lady asked to see the poster – considered it and then told us she’d think about it but she couldn’t say how long she’d put the poster up. SMALL LITTLE LIVES!

The raccoon-ness is almost gone.

Whew. Paying bills today and ripping off lots of copies at work. Tonight we hit Spin’s Dollar Drink Night (aka Dollar Twink Night) – we’re going in with bruised faces and postcards and labels and coupons. I want s________ to be a theatre company that you don’t just want to see our plays – you want to party with us as well. Almost got all my mass emailing out to my peeps as well as I’ve bombed (employer) Insurance with postcards to everybody I’ve ever worked with in the past three years. I’m wired. I need lunch.

Had a good workout this morning. I’m looking pretty damn good if I say so myself. It’s rewarding – I’m trying to focus less on any sort of weight scale and more on how I look and feel – plus I’m making some gains with my weights so I know I’m getting somewhere. I start month three of the Men’s Fitness year-long thingy. Though I’m cheating a little – I haven’t been doing legs lately. Need to fix that.

My Palm V seems to be ditching my to do list. Must remedy this. Schisse!

Got Webvan coming tomorrow morning. I want to have my place stocked so I’m good to go until after opening weekend.

I’m disappointed in Lords of Acid’s latest album, Farstucker. They’re moving back into rock from techno and I’m not liking it as much. Voodoo-U remains they’re best in my opinion, followed by Our Little Secret, Lust (an oldie) and Heaven Is An Orgasm has 1/3 quality tracks. Their techno is a nice change from Amber and Anastacia. Will be fun to go clubbing tonight – I’ve never brought the straight gang with us – they’ve never seen Andy in a sleeveless black shirt workin’ it. Maybe Brigitte and Karen will get hit on. Or Lingo.

from Metafilter:

Florida Teen Charged With Felony For Taping Chemistry Class

ReplayTV’s 30-second skip feature has the power to bring free commercial television to its knees.

I think eventually we’ll just have persistent ads that sit on the television screen. So I’ll have to get a black piece of paper and tape it up to avoid seeing the commercials. That or companies could actually make products that people want to buy.

[David] Leisure said he waited several weeks before committing to [playing] Joe [Isuzu] again, partially out of worry that he would be typecast.

When you’re hungry there’s no such thing as bad typecasting.

SHIT! It’s Ash Wednesday – I plum forgot! I gotta get my forehead ashed. And I think I’ve finally decided what I’m giving up for Lent. I’m gonna give up restraint.


tuesday, february 27

Raccoon eyes are ebbing. I’m sitting here on the phone waiting for Gateway Tech Support to answer the fucking phone. C_____’s modem isn’t even picking up the phone to see if there’s a dial tone. This is such complete bullshit. I want to tell her to just go buy a Dell machine and be done with it. This is bullshit. I restored the hard drive back to 2/15 and nothing! This is insane. And the worst part is is that this is really not my problem.


This is nuts. Turns out there’s a patch for the modem – hmm – the modem stops working after 2/21/01? WHAT?! That makes no sense to me – and why 2/21/01? Who chose the date? Was it there in case modems got out during their testing phase or something? That is just insane. What’s double-nuts is when I go to Internet Explorer on C_____’s laptop and I’m typing in the URL to download the patch and IE pops up the address for the page. ARGH! C_____ had obviously been to that page but didn’t download and install the patch. So I installed it and rebooted and now it’s working. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of.

monday, february 26

Had a good workout this morning – although got to work very late since I laid in bed having sex fantasies before getting up to get on the train. All the work I did on C_____’s laptop last week was promptly negated when Gateway restored her system back to 2/15/01. I’m livid. Now I have to try and talk her through all the installations over the phone. This is so fucking stupid.

Brigitte has a love interest and I quote:

I’m so excited I want to beat my head against the wall. Like the retarded girl in that after-school special Jellybean.

sunday, february 25

Once again, hubris gets me in trouble. I decided to go to the Tammy Salon – my new name for the fake bake after being misheard due to my crappy diction – and get in the escape pod (stand up booth) again. I’d gone on Thursday for six minutes and it didn’t do a damn thing. So I go in to the Tammy and this chick is there and the music is blaring and I’m screaming my last name at her so she can look me up in the database – she goes to turn the music down and calls me a jerk. I tell her I want twelve minutes in the space module and she programs the machine and says: ‘Enjoy your cancer.’ I looked her in the eyes and say: ‘Eat my choad you stupid cunt,’ and I got in the tanning booth did my time and then left. Everything was fine until this afternoon when the sunburn began to show. Yikes, y’all. I’m Toasted Andy. I immediately went to Walgreens and I’ve been slathering on Aloe Vera lotion all evening.

Okay I really didn’t tell her to eat my choad – I said thanks – but that was my subtext. The sunburn is pretty bad. The worst part is you can see where I had the goggles on. I’m a fucking racoon. I might have to not go to work tomorrow. I’m hoping it dies down. If I put on my glasses it isn’t as notice-able. Karen says I shoudl just say that I was in Cancun this weekend. Hmmm.

saturday, february 24

Nick is catsitting for the next few months a tomcat named Mr. Peepers

me: You better add that net watch
me: to your machine
me: in case Mr. Peepers is cruising while you’re away. Mr. Peepers is a gay homosexual.
me: ‘hairy boikitty seeking hot ramrod. claws okay.
me: ;
me: ‘
n: omg
me: ‘likes to bite. animal passion.’
n: hehehehe
me: fUrRyBoYkAt
n: heheheh
n: KatPussi4U
me: UseMyClaws
n: OMG
n: LickMyWhiskers
me: YES
n: LickALLmYwHickers
me: RoughTongueSuxU
n: SandPaperTong4U
me: yes
n: NaperKitty4U
me: KittyBoyLkvw
me: 773RuffTung
me: ‘sleeps 18 hrs/day, works out 0x/wk, not into the scene. NO DRAMA’
me: ‘eyes glow in dark’
me: prvt ok. no cyber – realtime
n: phone ok..if its off the hook
n: ..into…licking, pawing, clawing, loves milk baths
me: YES

Had massage #8 today. More work on the legs as well as the core. At one point Patrick had my psoas muscles in his hands and had actually been able to push under them. Holy Christ. I fell asleep during the leg work – he was all up in the abductors and said he was excited they were releasing but thought he’d wait till I woke up. Lots of work on the glutes as well. Looking at the pictures from my first session and now it is an amazing difference. Can’t wait to upload the pics. My right side isn’t pinched in. My back is flattening out. I hope to gain some height too from this whole process – we’ll see – God if I could clear 5’9″ that would ROCK! Patrick said he’s gonna miss having me as a client because I’m so hyperaware and easy to work with. I think he just misses handling my hot body. Right. He’s straighter than a monster-truck rally.

I always seem to

I always seem to get so much more done when I go clubbing solo. Went to Roscoe’s and played smart boy wearing my glasses and drinking a brewski. Dan was there. Saw Ferdinand as well and (another) Dan – the Cambodian guy I dated last spring – he was an ex-gymnast and a total sweetheart but lived in the burbs. Jake was there – a guy I’d been scheming on for awhile. I went up to him and acted like I knew who he was and asked him how we was doing and blah blah blah… he didn’t seem very interested – we ended up in the line to get coats together and he was pretty whiny. I also noticed a high school ring on his finger. Yikes. (coulda been a college ring, I dunno) Lots of people falling down drunk at the end of the night (not me) – a lot of pissed off kidneys in da house and I still think there’s a fortune to be made in back-alley stomach pumps. N****** was on the platform on the dance floor and we finally got to dance and get our freak on – I’d never seen him at any other bar besides Circuit before. I danced behind him with one hand on his hips and one on his chest – moving my hips with his. Being sure to brush my unshaven chin against his neck every now and then – a little kissing but I figure we’ve been flirting for over two months so why rush things? He gave me his number on the way out – I was surrounded by a couple of girls in pleather dresses and feather boas. I think they were girls. Fell asleep fantasizing about fucking the hell out of N******’s tight brown body. Gave out lots of postcards for the show – Karen wants us all to put on bruises make-up on our faces and go out for a night on the town – that’d be SO fun. She and I just got back from Target where we were able to find nearly everything we needed for the shows including some Catholic schoolgirl skirts for the Bruises chicks.

friday, february 23

Rehearsal last night rocked. Bruises makes us all ashamed to be actors – it’s wonderful. After the sledgehammer bludegoning sequcnce, the three girls watch on as Jessi crawls across the floor wailing in pain. So hard to watch. Ah, viscera. The play ends. I say: ‘Let’s take a break.’ And we all slowly leave the room quietly. Something about that play is just so unnerving. I wish all of you could come see it. When Lingo brings the sledgehammer down on Jessi’s face and her legs shoot out wildly from the impact it is so fucking insane. I mean Lingo’s really hitting a phone book four feet north of her head – but still – the angle your viewing it at just makes it so fucked up. Doing a lot of detail work with all three plays. I’m blessed with bad-ass actors this time around so they’ve all gone so far on the basic stuff and we’re just polishing it all to get everything as clean as possible. And the best part of the bruising is after the first two hits Mitzi calls it quits but then Tammy and Ronnie egg her on to do a third hit. God I’m sick.

All the people at work doing Weight Watchers get weighed today so nobody’s eating a goddamn thing. Makes me want to sit here with a dozen Krispy Kremes and some 2% milk.

I really want to go get smashed on martinis tonight but Nick and Jeff are at ISU seeing some play Brent worked on. Maybe Karen or Brigitte wants to go. Just gimme two martinis and I’ll be writhing on the velvet couch moist and ready. Yeah Brigitte – I said moist.

Need to write a director’s note. Need to call Al. Need to call Lewis.

Had lunch with Kevin. She is such a refreshing breath of air in this crazy world – she’s been-there-done-that on so much stuff that I always find her perspective useful. Plus she’s so goddamn emphatic about everything. She’s very expressive and a very direct communicator – which is what made me a little skittish around her initially but now it is part of her enduring (and durable) charm. She’s proof of Third Acts. She had a marriage, a corporate career and now she’s a free-wheeling chick living in a studio apartment, temping and racing her bike to the lake in the summer to ‘lay out with all the other old Jewish broads.’

I took my tanning to the next level yesterday (sort of). I’ve noticed that my sides aren’t getting any color at all and so I decided it was time to try out the tanning BOOTH. Oh yeah. So I climbed inside the anteroom, closed the door and began to disrobe – the thing is like something at NASA. Walked into the main chamber and put on my goggles – closed the panel behind me and pressed the magic button – immediately fans whir above and below me as a pentagon of white light encircles me. I place my hands in two stirrups/loops suspended from the roof of the contraption and feel the burn. Actually there wasn’t any burn at all. I was too paranoid about getting burnt so I only did the thing for six minutes – the chick said it was intense wattage. I noticed no warmth or anything this morning upon waking. I’m going back y’all. Time to get the teeth bleached too! Heh heh heh…

So I guess we’ve learned nothing at all: (but then again this is from Minnesota*)

Teachers are doling out reprimands to students caught embracing in the hallway. Bennett has received disciplinary checks from a teacher for hugging. Arns said he has discouraged boy and girl hugging, but hugging between girls is acceptable. Students say some teachers are discouraging all types of hugging between themselves and their peers.

*I can make the Minnesota comment given I’m from Indiana where they are still trying to get the 10 Commandments in the classroom

How sweet – Jon K

How sweet – Jon K mentioned Nick and I in his blog from last weekend. Cheers to you Jon K you crazy tramp!

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention I’m free-balling today. No, Brigitte, not free-basing. I forgot to bring underwear to wear after my workout. So I’m footloose and fancy free. I also forgot socks and had to go buy some socks at Old Navy on the way to work. Was going to buy undies as well but figured what the hell – I’ve never gone to work without underwear on so we’ll see if it gives me a free and released feeling or not.

Thank you Jesus Christ. I

Thank you Jesus Christ. I went an bought a serial to USB adapter and now the Palm IIIxe syncs with C_____’s laptop. I had to go to CompUSA and the Sony Vaios were staring me down. I had to leave – it was like in The Shining when Danny encounters the twins – Andy, you can finance us, Andy – come play with us, Andy – forevah and evah and evah. A salesclerk asked me if I needed any help and a gravelly voice emanated from my throat and said ANDY ISN’T HERE MISSUS TORRANCE. I need to lay off the ludes.

Read an article last night in Vanity Fair about Hugh Hefner and part of me fantasizes about living that kind of lifestyle – having a whole posse of boy and girlfriends that all want to be around me and be with me – re-creating myself in a better life(stye?). Embracing decadence and hedonism. Fucking like a minx till 5am and then eating breakfast in bed at 3 in the afternoon. It is endlessly interesting to me the culture we’re raised in that constantly asserts that somewhere someone else is having a much better time than you are and if you would just dress like this, act like this, buy this, eat this, drinks this then you too could be blessed.

Ran this morning. Rehearsal was sort of lukewarm last night. I’m in that amorphous section before the big downhill rush to get a production up and running. The actors are settling into there ways of doing things – which I know will all be thrown to hell once we get in the real space and have to do some re-staging. Having trouble enduring the constant babble around me as I work. Too many women talking. I know my dad gets annoyed by that too – and my mom now that she works at dad’s school half the week. Just all the talking and the same cadence of the same voices and the same subject matter. The same voices pitching into excitement ascending into falsetto and remaining there for paragraphs on end.

I have too many email addresses: 2 Yahoo accounts, bi_next_door@hotmail,,, plus my work email, plus online personals accounts at,, PlanetOut. This is nuts. I find myself checking the personals accounts way too often – hoping for a bite from my ads out there – god forbid I actually go out and meet people in the traditional way. Need to call that Al guy I met last week and let him lavish me with a dinner. Maybe I should play dumb hunk more often. Hmmm… things to ruminate. Chew chew chew. What if I kept my intellect as a secret weapon?? Hmmm…

I have all of these ideas for club mixes in my heads – samples and break beats that need to get out of me. I’m top-full of direst cruelty. I’ve been reading books on investing the past few nights before sleeping and was actually dreaming of Aerovox (ARVX). Strange.

I need a sandwich.

Samwich done.

Yeah – I said SAMWICH. Like an OMWICH – which I think is still one of the most disgusting-looking food products out there – almost as bad as croissan’wich. Omwich. Look at it. It just sort of sits there like a big turd. Om. Wich. Just read an email received by a co-worker where the writer had no clue how to conjugate verbs or use consistent verb tense. And the best part is the letter started with ‘Um…’. I still think literacy is the key to so many social ills. I figure if people can read anything – they can learn anything – and then they can do anything.

And as if I needed any more convincing to get out of online dating:

Trevor met Wynema in a chat room…. she sent him photographs of herself [and] he decided to up-sticks to the States to be with her. However, the photographs were taken over 35 years ago, and Trevor was met at the airport by a rather larger, and older woman than he expected. But worse was to come, [she] had kept the dead body of her former flatmate in her freezer, because she wanted to continue living in his house, and keep drawing money from his account. (via Metafilter)