My pal Jason alerted me that this page wasn’t rendering in Netscape – I think I fixed it…
Got another link today – this one from Ally over at Bitchcakes! Thanks!
Sitting on the phone with Dell Financial Services – I gotta know how much I paid out to them this year for my computer for my taxes. Gotta call my tax consultant too.
Proud to say that I didn’t watch TV at all yesterday. I still don’t even know who one the Super Bowl. And I really don’t care. I will tune in tonight to catch a little bit of that EyeVision technology I’d been reading about and view the top ads. Though last year’s Bowl was I think when the ‘Wazzzup!’ commercials debuted which I missed – somehow I’ve never seen that commercial. And it wasn’t anything new to me – we used to say that in AP Calculus in high school. I think it is funny how sayings and slang travel the country – and that the net helps to close that gap as well. Trends and memes die out more rapidly too.
Had a nice weekend – except for the dancing. I was out all day yesterday. Went to my massage – number five in the series. Today Patrick went to ‘the core’ which is basically the pelvis and psoas muscles. Very very very intense work. One helpful thing about this whole process is I’m seeing how the musculature of my body is laid out and what connects to what. Of course I say that as a slump in my chair like one of our high school cheerleaders (those girls could slouch!). But to have him working on the insertion of the psoas – basically at the root of my spine and feel the pull all way up my abs and to my back – it is just fascinating. But the core work was very intense. He’d say ‘I’m coming out now’ and he’d release his hands – I didn’t realize that the human body was so deep. At one point he had his hands directly on my pelvic wall – between my navel and nether-region. That was odd. The best was when he was working on getting my right quad to release – I had this overwhelming urge to giggle. And I let it fly. I laughed and laughed – I don’t know if it was stored emotion or the ridiculousness of paying someone to hurt me every week but I just sat on the table and snickered for a good five minuets. My right foot is starting to come underneath me and my right oblique is starting to release – basically it is all about my right side.
Then I called a bunch of people to see who was available for dinner – Anthony said yes. Walked to his place and we had dinner at Ping Pong – that was nice. I love potstickers. He’s growing a soul patch and looks pretty avant-garde.
Then I went to Caribou Coffee and had some green tea. I’d brought along First Things First. It really got me in a pro-active do-it kind of mood. I started planning my week around Quadrant II activities. Started writing some powerful questions down:
- What if stopped stopping and started starting?
- What if there was no obstacle?
- What if I wasn’t scared?
- What if I dropped out?
- What if I said no?
- What if I gave it all away?
- What if I stopped living in fear?
- What if I didn’t care what mom or dad thought?
- What if I kept it all quiet?
- What if I led the revolution
- What if I stopped worrying about money?
- What if I really was as awesome as people tell me I am?
- What if I never went to work ever again?
- What if I let go of the result?
I got that really exciting feeling in my bones that I was doing something important. You know? Like you transcend the everyday work-a-day grind and you are in a cruisy coffeehouse with industrial music pumping through your head reading self-help books and something is connecting. Something you’ve always known but allow yourself to forget. Something that is so basic ever since you started playing with puppets as a kid or dreaming of being the next Spike Lee. Something you’ve always known inside yourself that is so rooted into your being that it becomes assumed and sometimes forgotten. You remember how sacred your time and energy is and how much of it you squander on people that don’t hold you as important and sacred. You notice where you’re doing what every body else is doing and how you are starting to become assimilationist and hard plastic instead of elastic.
I need to dig up my old mission statement from college and re-vamp it.
After that catharting I went over to Matt and Brians. Brian introduced Christian to me: ‘This is my boyfriend.’ I haven’t heard Brian say the word ‘boyfriend’ ever, I don’t think. Christian is a really sweet guy and I know he’s quality because he’s the first guy Brian’s dated that I’ve been envious of. Matt had just gotten back from a weekend stage combat workshop and learned all sorts of new ways to ‘hurt’ people. We all went to go see Shadow of the Vampire which I wasn’t hugely impressed with. I found Malkovich to be a little over-the-top and the thing was poorly paced. Willem looks like shit of course. Especially here. The best line in the movie was
Relax and as they say: Let the vampire do the work.
Got out of the movie and came home – rifled through emails and went beddie bye.
I have lost a Reese’s Cup.? I was opening a Miniature Reese’s cup and the damn thing dropped out of the wrapper and I watched it drop to the floor.? However, I can’t find it.? I’ve been on my hands and knees under my desk looking for it.? I guess I’m not supposed to eat it.? But I just went and got another one.
I’m up. Slept till noon. That was nice. I noticed that I haven’t been dreaming lately. Hmmm… that usually means I’m not getting enough sleep. Must remedy. Listening to The Downward Sprial. God I fucking love this CD. It is so amazing:
you had all of them on your side (didn’t you? didn’t you?)
you believed in all your lies (didn’t you? didn’t you)
So fucking vicious – I love it.
nothing can hurt me nothing can hurt me nothing can hurt me nothing can stop me now
Maybe I’d be more perky if I listened to more Anastacia.
I can’t wait to see if RJR kicks out the houseboy!!
won’t give up it wants me dead goddamn this voice inside head
Found a really cute boy’s blog last night. Go to his photo album – he is a real cutie-pie.
I keep forgetting the Super Bowl is today. I’m gonna be in massage till five anyway. Today is the first of the really intense days. Yikes. I’m really sore from dancing and working out on Friday so this should be nice. I still think Linda Werthimer would be a great fag-hag. Got the first of my play synopses on-line: this one is for Antigone.
This just in: Gay Man Doesn’t Give A Shit About Madonna
To be added to the List of People I’d Like to See On Fire
Anyone that forwards emails without etching out all the attachment crap – you know the hundreds of fucking email embedded in the message within a message within a message that spammers pray to receive so they can mine the mail for email addresses. So I click and Open and click and Open and click and Open and click and Open and it is one of those frigging ‘if you don’t forward this to 80,000 people you love, you’re kidneys will rupture in 37 minutes’ emails.
It is 3:26 am. Just got in from clubbin’. It was a bad night to dance. I just wasn’t in the mood – my feet were sore from all the walking around Erik and I did and I just wasn’t in the mood to be in a mass of sweaty shirtless guys. Saw one of the Chrises and none of the Matts, a Todd and Richard. During the mix of ‘I Turn To You’ Richard is singing it to me and part of me just thinks: ‘Actually Richard, you didn’t.’
The play I saw was boring. I was there mostly to block Antigone in my head and see if it would fit in that theatre. It was a play about lesbians raising sons. The play sorta went splat against the wall and didn’t really develop a whole lot. And the devices and conventions of the play kept the characters from truly interacting with eachother. Everything was once removed… we’re talking in horror movie stylization, I’m talking to you through a Super 8 camera, we’re talking but not in the same time plane. Sort of like that’s the huge problem with the musical of The Secret Garden is that so many of the songs the characters aren’t singing to eachother.
Oh and the Rants links weren’t working this afternoon. Hopefully that has been fixed – if not here are direct links: Rant #1, Rant #2. I wrote these two essays in South Carolina on vacation with my family – I think the serene sand and sunshine was just getting under my skin and I had to lash out.
Big Gay Thanks to Daily Dean and East Coast/West Coast for linking me to their blogs, you’ll find their links in my Fellow Webloggers list. Peace to my man-loving brethren.
Also added links to my two theatre rants. Check right column under Theatre Theory, y’all.
Woo! What a day. Was up till 4:30 working on this site last night. I was on a roll. Had one of my manic crazy DO IT kind of fits of creativity. I love getting lost in a project. I LOVE TIME BY MYSELF! Rock the house! Woohoo! Woke up at 8:30 – WIDE AWAKE. Oh yeah. Sat around/shat around. Signed the contract for the theatre for my March production. Met Erik for tea at Cruise-ibou Coffee and then we walked all over – went to a theatre bookstore to get some stuff, had a late lunch then met my friend Mierka for a website project involving an MS foundation. More later. And looks like I’m Babe in the City tonight – going to a play by myself since Erik ditched me and everybody else is busy – but that will be fun. I’m checking out the space for my July production. Et cetera… going to Circuit tonight around 1 I reckon to do some serious ass-shaking. We’ll see.
I’ve been having anxiety attacks again and I’m not sure why. I find my face starts to get warm and starts to burn. I flush. I sweat. I worry.
Just got back from dinner at Karen’s with her and Brigitte. We got Giordano’s pizza and watched Judy Berlin, the last movie with Madeline Kahn. Terrible boring as hell movie. It was 90 minutes long and it felt like it lasted two hours. I was mad that this was Madeline’s last flick. Something about her will always be irreplaceable. What a commedienne.
I saw Hal Sparks on Jay Leno. Hal is the guy that used to host Talk Soup and is now on Queer as Folk. He’s one of the guys people sometimes say I remind them of (along with Michael J. Fox). Hearing Leno talk to him about straightness and gayness was just deeply offensive. Jay asking how strange is it to do a love scene with another guy and Hal trying to be all manly and straight buddy-buddy about it. (He mentioned his girlfriend many times) I started thinking what happens if I’m ever in that hot seat. What will I say? Will I go back in the closet if I hit it big? And if I did come out bisexual it would just be a big media blitz and I’d suddenly be known as that bisexual playwright actor guy or as the guy that couldn’t make up his mind or wanted it both ways. I’m having an anxiety attack right now just thinking about it. So if you ever come back to this weblog and it has been sanitized of it’s content you’ll know why.